Death of a Life

As I write this, someone I know is in the hospital as a result of chronic alcoholism. This is the second hospitalization for liver issues in less than six months. She’s now in multiple organ failure, and her body is shutting down.

She is not expected to live more than a few hours.

She will die today.

The person I’m writing about had so much promise. Her family seemed perfect…A Midwestern home that could have been used in any movie depicting exactly the kind of place where you’d want to raise children. Green, grassy hills for the kids to roll down in the summer. Lots of trees that shed so many leaves in Autumn, as a kid you’d be knee deep in them if you took the dog for a walk in the ravine. Woods to explore. And a tiny creek.

Well-rounded educations with plenty of extra-curricular activities for the kids…Little League. Girl Scouts.  Karate lessons. Football. Violin. Flute. Band. It was all the right stuff to get the kids into college for bright futures. A Journalism major for one, West Point for another. The person I’m writing about chose Business.

She graduated at just the right time: it was that period during the ‘80’s when Fortune 500 companies realized that women could not only be assets to the company’s bottom line, they could be good executives as well. The person I’m writing about was one of these women; she got in the “Executive Training Program” of a company that would go on to become a household name. Like the home she grew up in, with her power suits, blonde bob hairstyle and winning smile, she could have been straight out of Central Casting for her role.

I’m not sure when she started drinking. I was closest in age to the baby in her family (the West Pointer), and we had very different interests: She was in that executive training program and was married to a very straight-laced looking guy with short hair. I was a teenager who was interested in music, concerts, and rock bands, and hanging out with boys with long hair. She swore, but not in front of her grandma. I swore openly and burned incense in my room, so my grandma’s husband told my parents I was “smoking dope in there.” (I actually wasn’t. I just liked vanilla incense.)

She was the person people said I should be like.

“Look at [name omitted for privacy],” one of the adults used to say to me. “She’s going to be something! You’re not.” (At that age I probably told the adult who said it to “f*ck off,” because I knew it wasn’t true.)

I never resented her. She was always kind to me, so why would I? Her lifestyle just seemed kind of… boring to me. She probably thought my lifestyle was weird, too. (It is!) That doesn’t make either of them wrong…Just different.

Actually, as I write this, I do remember something we had in common: she liked Aerosmith. And I have a funny memory of playing in her grandpa's vegetable garden when I was little: she was singing just the chorus of Paul McCartney and Wings' "Listen to What the Main Said," which I'd never heard before. I didn't know it was a song from the radio and asked very seriously, "What man?"

And In hindsight, career-wise, she was probably a bit of a pioneer.

That’s all gone now. When her drinking escalated, it faded away. Marriage number one, rehab, husband number two (who hung in there as long as he could until a second rehab was in order)…The great corporate job went away around that time too, I think.

God her parents must be devastated…

I am, and I haven’t seen her since I was a teenager. (We moved to California when I was 13.) I write about her in the past tense, because everything I ever knew of the person she really was is already long gone.

Last I heard, she had a really scummy boyfriend who was an active user. For the past year, she’s been in and out of the hospital with liver issues due to chronic alcohol abuse…

…which is where I began this entry.

[Sigh…]

It took me two and a half hours to write this. Is she…?

I have no more words.

RR

4:57 P.M. -- I decided to post this journal entry on my blog in hopes it will be a wake up call for anyone who needs help, or incentive for people in recovery to keep working their programs. I've been intentionally vague and changed some of the details in order to protect her family's privacy. We haven't been in each others' orbits for a long time, and they don't engage in social media so it's doubtful they'll ever know it exists.

As I was formatting this just now, someone in the family just called and told me she died. There will be no funeral, because all of her friends left long ago due to the drinking. Her parents and siblings were at her side when she died and are devastated.

R.I.P.

Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings and Information / U.S. and Canada



©2013 Randi Reed and MusicBizAdvice.com . All rights reserved.

 

Deja Vous? I hope not...(Michael Jackson / Anna Nicole)

While the world awaits the coroner's report on the death of Michael Jackson, and the cause of his death is purely speculation, details that are coming out in the media seem all too reminiscent of the death of Anna Nicole Smith. Whether that turns out to actually be the case, we do know that Michael Jackson struggled with addiction to painkillers...which is enough, IMHO, for a bit of reflecting on the care (notice I did not say "handling") of addicted clients.
On Friday, February 09, 2007 on this very subject. I wish I'd never have to repeat it again, but maybe it might help someone.
Did Hollywood Kill Anna Nicole Smith?

While the definitive cause of Anna Nicole Smith’s death probably won’t be in for weeks, regardless of the autopsy result, anyone who saw her recent interviews on Entertainment Tonight could see she was obviously impaired by substance abuse. (When someone’s eyes are going in two different directions…) So, I’d like to talk about the addicted celebrity client.
Did Hollywood kill Anna Nicole Smith? Speaking as someone who grew up around chemical addiction in a small-town, non-showbiz family, I really don’t think so. I think the addiction gene or addictive personality (whatever your belief happens to be about the root cause) is either there, or it isn’t.

But, also speaking as someone who’s been in the role of agent, artist manager, and prior to that, as personal assistant, do I think Hollywood contributed to the death of Anna Nicole Smith? Absolutely.

When you have people making money from whatever the celebrity’s status quo is at a given moment, someone in the mix will have an interest in keeping the celebrity in that money-making status quo…Even at the risk of a self-destructive celebrity. (The same status-quo dynamic happens in non-showbiz families too, by the way, but because the motivation is usually more about fear of change than about big money, it’s less overt and is more subconscious.)

It comes down to the kind of people the celebrity surrounds him or herself with. If a celebrity with an addictive personality (or the addiction gene) is surrounded by “yes” people who tell them what they want to hear, that celebrity is going to be in trouble.

I’ve heard some managers and agents say, “It’s none of my business.”

I disagree. It is their business, and getting help for a troubled client is part of being a good manager or agent.

If you work in the industry long enough, you see first-hand that creativity is often borne of pain, and that many clients had troubled childhoods or estranged family relationships and seek fame as a way to fill a void. So to make money off that client and then ignore their need for professional help when that pain (or the attempted numbing of it) gets out of hand is not only irresponsible, it’s inexcusable.

If you have signing privileges (i.e., power of attorney) and can sign your clients’ name on contracts, it’s your business. If you travel in the immediate vicinity with your client (reports say at least 6 people were staying at the hotel with Anna Nicole Smith) or are privy to the details of your clients’ day to day life, it’s your business. If you have keys to your clients’ home, it’s not only your business, you have no excuse not to get them off to rehab ASAP. More than once if necessary.

(And I’m talking hard-core, real-deal rehab like-Betty Ford or Hazelden…not Rehab Lite.)

I’ve heard a lot of people comparing Anna Nicole’s death to that of Marilyn Monroe. I disagree with that as well. Marilyn died in 1962, pre-Betty Ford Center, when very little was known about addiction or even about the addictive nature of some of the prescription medications she was taking.

This is 2007, and we all know better.

Meanwhile, the headlines surrounding the death of Anna Nicole Smith are getting stranger by the minute…The latest, courtesy of MSNBC, is that Zsa Zsa Gabor’s 9th and current husband, Prince Frédéric von Anhalt, says he could be the baby’s father. And it gets even more bizarre: In his press conference today, Prince Frederic (who allegedly essentially bought his title) said Anna Nicole told him she’d always wanted to be a princess, so he’d tried to make that happen for her by attempting to adopt Anna Nicole. But, Prince Frederic said, Zsa Zsa wouldn’t sign the adoption papers. (I kid you not, folks. I saw him say this in the press conference with my own eyes.)

That all these people are coming out of the woodwork with press conferences after her death just proves my point: Anna Nicole needed someone to protect her. If not a good family, then at the least, by very good management…

Very good management does exist, by the way. But unfortunately it doesn’t usually make for very interesting headlines.Copyright 2007 Randi Reed and MusicBizAdvice.com. All rights reserved.

Nikki Sixx's The Heroin Diaries: Recommended Reading for Managers, Aspiring Rock Stars, Addicts, and Loved Ones

Although it's been out for a while now, this week I finally read Nikki Sixx's book, The Heroin Diaries.

Excellent book...It's a very brave book that explains addiction better than anything I've ever read. I highly recommend it for anyone who, like myself, has had friends or loved ones who have struggled with drug or alcohol addiction.

It should also be required reading for every artist manager or aspiring rock star.

If you're unfamiliar with the book, The Heroin Diaries came from Nikki Sixx's personal diaries from 1986-1987, the height of his drug addiction. It also coincided with the height of Motley Crue's career. He had vowed to himself to document everything in his journals...and he did, warts and all.

Nikki Sixx is donating proceeds from the book and his band Sixx: A.M.'s accompanying The Heroin Diaries Soundtrack to a music program he's started at Covenant House called Running Wild in the Night. Very cool.

More info can be found at MySpace.com/HEROINDIARIES, and at Nikkisixx.net.

This post is dedicated to Bob Timmons, who helped many people, including Nikki Sixx, get clean and sober.



Disclosure of Endorsements/Recommendations/Financial Compensation or Business Relationships per FTC Blog Disclosure Regulations in effect December 1, 2009: In the 90's I worked for a concert promotion company that presented many Motley Crue shows. Since that time I've received no financial compensation or free product in direct connection with Motley Crue, Nikki Sixx, or their associated companies. MusicBizAdvice.com (and by extension, this blog) sells products, including books and music, as an Amazon Associate.

Did Hollywood Kill Anna Nicole Smith?

While the definitive cause of Anna Nicole Smith’s death probably won’t be in for weeks, regardless of the autopsy result, anyone who saw her recent interviews on Entertainment Tonight could see she was obviously impaired by substance abuse. (When someone’s eyes are going in two different directions…) So, I’d like to talk about the addicted celebrity client.

Did Hollywood kill Anna Nicole Smith? Speaking as someone who grew up around chemical addiction in a small-town, non-showbiz family, I really don’t think so. I think the addiction gene or addictive personality (whatever your belief happens to be about the root cause) is either there, or it isn’t.

But, also speaking as someone who’s been in the role of agent, artist manager, and prior to that, as personal assistant, do I think Hollywood contributed to the death of Anna Nicole Smith? Absolutely.

When you have people making money from whatever the celebrity’s status quo is at a given moment, someone in the mix will have an interest in keeping the celebrity in that money-making status quo…Even at the risk of a self-destructive celebrity. (The same status-quo dynamic happens in non-showbiz families too, by the way, but because the motivation is usually more about fear of change than about big money, it’s less overt and is more subconscious.)

It comes down to the kind of people the celebrity surrounds him or herself with. If a celebrity with an addictive personality (or the addiction gene) is surrounded by “yes” people who tell them what they want to hear, that celebrity is going to be in trouble.

I’ve heard some managers and agents say, “It’s none of my business.”

I disagree. It is their business, and getting help for a troubled client is part of being a good manager or agent.

If you work in the industry long enough, you see first-hand that creativity is often borne of pain, and that many clients had troubled childhoods or estranged family relationships and seek fame as a way to fill a void. So to make money off that client and then ignore their need for professional help when that pain gets out of hand is not only irresponsible, it’s inexcusable.

If you have signing privileges (i.e., power of attorney) and can sign your clients’ name on contracts, it’s your business. If you travel in the immediate vicinity with your client (reports say at least 6 people were staying at the hotel with Anna Nicole Smith) or are privy to the details of your clients’ day to day life, it’s your business. If you have keys to your clients’ home, it’s not only your business, you have no excuse not to get them off to rehab ASAP. More than once if necessary.

(And I’m talking hard-core, real-deal rehab like-Betty Ford or Hazelton…not Rehab Lite.)

I’ve heard a lot of people comparing Anna Nicole’s death to that of Marilyn Monroe. I disagree with that as well. Marilyn died in 1962, pre-Betty Ford Center, when very little was known about addiction or even about the addictive nature of some of the prescription medications she was taking.

This is 2007, and we all know better.

Meanwhile, the headlines surrounding the death of Anna Nicole Smith are getting stranger by the minute…The latest, courtesy of MSNBC, is that Zsa Zsa Gabor’s 9th and current husband, Prince Frédéric von Anhalt, says he could be the baby’s father. And it gets even more bizarre: In his press conference today, Prince Frederic (who allegedly essentially bought his title) said Anna Nicole told him she’d always wanted to be a princess, so he’d tried to make that happen for her by attempting to adopt Anna Nicole. But, Prince Frederic said, Zsa Zsa wouldn’t sign the adoption papers. (I kid you not, folks. I saw him say this in the press conference with my own eyes.)

That all these people are coming out of the woodwork with press conferences after her death just proves my point: Anna Nicole needed someone to protect her. If not a good family, then at the least, by very good management…

Very good management does exist, by the way. But unfortunately it doesn’t usually make for very interesting headlines.

Copyright 2007 Randi Reed and MusicBizAdvice.com. All rights reserved.